Transformers Prime meets Monty Python
by Rose Jennison
Summary: This is what happens when Knockout watches a few Monty Python sketches. So be prepared for something silly!
1. Why KO is not allowed to command troops

I must admit that I do not own anything involving Transformers or Monty Python.

This chapter should take place just before the episode _"Speed Metal"._

Why Knockout Is Not Allowed to Command Troops

Starscream strutted down the halls of the Nemesis with a smug look on his face. He'd caught Knockout racing amongst the fleshies when he should have been attending to his medical duties. As punishment for being so neglectful the seeker had commanded him to temporarily take charge of a new group of Vehicons, and to leave all his normal duties to Breakdown. Starscream knew that muscle car hated the strict military life, and loathed having to abandon his racing and preferred work for something so mundane. Right now the seeker was on his way to inspect Knockout's troop. He was enjoying the thought of making the medic squirm under inspection.

He walked into the hangar where he'd told Knockout to assemble his Vehicons. The troops were arranged in two lines of four, their servos clasped behind their backs and pedes spread apart in a proper military stance. Knockout stood in front, his white face impassive as Starscream approached.

"Well, I see you've managed to get them to stand correctly at least. Now let's see if you were able to teach them anything else." The silver seek spoke mockingly. Knockout said nothing, though his face twitched slightly. Starscream turned to the new recruits.

"Let's try a drill, shall we? Squad, camp it, up!"

The Vehicons brought their pedes together, a good start. Then started to march forward.

_Ooh, get her! Whoops!_

They turned right, put one servo on their hip, held another straight forward, and put swung their hips as the walked.

_I've got your number ducky. _

They switched servos.

_You couldn't afford me dear. Two, Three. _

They gestured to themselves and then turned forward again.

_I'd scratch your eyes out!_

They placed a servo on the shoulder of the person to their right, and at the next word started kicking like they were in a chorus line.

_Don't come the brigadier bit with us, dear, _

_We all know where you've been, you military fairy!_

With the last few words the troops saluted and then pirouetted to face backward. They quietly counted as they pranced, then spun forward. Once again they had their a servo straight out and swayed as they walked.

_Whoops, don't look now girls,  
>The major's just minced in<br>With that dolly color sergeant,_

They turned right again.

"Two Three!" Knockout shouted.

_Ooh!_

All the troops did a little dip, turned forward, and resumed their beginning stance.

For a minute, all Starscream could do was stare in shock. His jaw was dangerously close to coming off it's hinges. He sputtered for a few moments before turning his gaze to Knockout; the insufferable medic wore a mischievous smirk.

"Good job boys." He clapped a few times. The seeker closed in on Knockout, invading his personal space.

"You are going to spend weeks on cleaning duty for this!" He hissed at him, before storming away. The medic cringed at the thought of what that would do to his paint job, but at least 'Lord' Starscream would never assign him to training duty again. He turned to the very confused Vehicons.

"Don't mind him boys. He's just jealous that he can't inspire such enthusiasm in the troops."

Well, there's the first chapter! I hope you found it amusing. :)

This is my first official story on here, so I'd appreciate any feedback you might feel like giving. Thanks for reading!


	2. Brave Lord Starscream

First off, I'd like to say thank you to all the people who reviewed and favorited my first chapter. It was very encouraging, so thank you very much! :)

I must admit that I do not own anything involving Transformers or Monty Python.

Brave Lord Starscream

Starscream was in a foul mood of late. His subordinates failed to understand why , he seemed very perky after he'd dealt out Knockout's punishment for street racing. After a few days though, the seeker started asking all the Vehicons strange questions and snapped at almost everyone. They hadn't had any major losses during that time, and the medic hadn't gone racing since. Why he was suddenly acting this way was a complete mystery to them...

* * *

><p>Starscream was quite pleased with himself for thinking up such a wonderful punishment for the local medic. It suited the muscle car perfectly, and the seeker had quite enjoyed the delivery of it. His wings twitched with pleasure as he recalled the medics screams for him to stop. A couple days after giving Knockout his just desserts, Starscream was roaming the halls trying to think of a way to get Megatron officially out of his way. As he walked down an empty corridor, the ship wide comm crackled. A strange voice floated out of it, singing an even stranger song.<p>

_Bravely bold Lord Starscream,_

_Flew forth from Kaon, _

_He was not afraid to die,_

_Oh brave Lord Starscream!_

The silver seeker smiled a little at the lyrics. He was fully intended to find out who was using the comm system to channel this, but it was rather pleasing to hear such an ode to him. It was about time someone recognized his great leadership. His smile didn't last long though.

_He was not at all afraid to offline in nasty ways,_

_Brave, brave, brave, brave Lord Starscream. _

_He was not in the least bit scared _

_to be ripped apart for scrap._

_Or have his optics gouged out,_

_and his__ couter_ _broken. _

_To have his c__uissards s__plit,_

_and his frame burned away, _

_And his limbs all hacked and mangled._

_Brave Lord Starscream. _

His anger grew with every new phrase, and the current leader of the Decpticons started marching toward the main control room to put a stop to this insane song. There was also the fact that some of the images coming to mind were making him a bit sick.

__His helm smashed in,__

__And his spark cut out,__

__and his____ placard removed,__

__and his fuel line unplugged, __

__and his denta ____ripped out,__

__and his aft burnt off,__

__and his-__

The song suddenly cut out when one of the Vehicons came into Starscream's sight.

"You there! Do you know who was playing that awful excuse for a song over the comm system?" The seeker demanded of him angrily. He would not let this make him fall even further in his subordinates' eyes. The Vehicon looked at him in confusion.

"What song my Lord?"

"The one that's been playing over the comm you imbecile!"

"I'm sorry sir, but I haven't heard any song."

Starscream growled in frustration and pushed past the befuddled mech. He burst into the control room demanding the same question, and got the same reaction. No one seemed to know what he was talking about, which made him all the angrier. Next he stormed out to find Soundwave, and when he did he ordered the faceless mech to discover who was tampering with the comm. The look the seeker received clearly stated that the lean mech would never allow anyone but himself such intimate access with the ships communication systems. After ordering him to check anyway Starscream started to make his way towards his quarters.

Once he was alone in a hallway, the song started up again from the beginning. When he turned on his personal comm to contact Soundwave, the song abruptly stopped again. Confused, he started walking again, and the song started again. Then when Breakdown appeared at the end of the corridor, it stopped again. It went on that way all day, and for the next few. The song would start up when he was alone, and then stop each time he tried to contact anyone or anyone approached him. The seeker was going mad trying to figure it out. Everyone he interrogated claimed never to have heard the song, and he was beginning to wonder if he was hearing things. And once when he returned to the ship after a brief encounter with one of the Autobots the song gained new lyrics.

__Brave Lord Starscream ran away, __

__Bravely ran away away,__

__When danger reared its ugly head __

__He bravely turned his aft and fled.__

__Yes brave Lord Starscream turned about,__

__And gallantly he chickened out,__

__Bravely taking to his wings__

__He decided to do other things. __

__Bravest of the brave, Lord Starscream!__

"I AM NOT A COWARD! What do you know anyway?" He shouted at the walls now silents speaker. When he turned he saw a group of Vehicons staring at him. He cursed under his breath and returned to his room to sulk.

* * *

><p>After about a week of this, Knockout decided it was time to quit while he was ahead. He'd fulfilled his desire to see Starscream tormented for publicly embarrassing him and making him vulnerable. Now that the medic had returned the favor, it was best to stop. They couldn't have their leader go completely insane after all.<p>

The one thing that still surprised Knockout, was how easy it had been to get Soundwave to agree to his little prank. The medic knew that the quiet mech was nearly omnipotent on the ship, but he'd never have thought he could work that many wonders with the comm system. And of course, there was the fact that Soundwave actually did posses a sense of humor. You learn something new everyday.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!<p>

This chapter was based around "Brave Sir Robin", sung by minstrels in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". Also, the song in the first chapter can be found on youtube when you search for the Military Fairy sketch by Monty Python.

In case anyone was wondering about the terminology used in parts of the song, I looked up Transformers terminology to try and find cybertronian equivalents to words like 'knee' and 'elbow'. In case anyone was curious, here are the definitions:

_Couter_ - flexible armor, often recessed, covering the joints such as knee and elbow.

_Cuissards_ - Armour covering the entire leg [i.e. a leg with only a knee joint and no pedes]

_Placard_ - A part of the body that, during transformation, fits behind the chest plate as reinforcement.

_Denta-_ I've heard this one be used in place of teeth.

The definitions come form here: .

Once again, thanks so much for reading. I hope it gave you a laugh. :P

Also, I'm open to suggestions if anyone has a favorite sketch they'd like to see done at some point.


	3. Training Video

I must admit that I do not own anything involving Transformers or Monty Python.

Training Video

A large group of Eradicons stood in one the Nemesis' training rooms. A few leaned against the walls, waiting for their 'instructor' to come. After Megatron had been awoken from his coma, he'd been displeased with the number of foot soldiers lost during his Second in Command's reign. Not that he really cared about them of course, he just realized that there was no sense in wasting a resource. So the Decepticon leader had decided that some measures should be taken to make the Eradicons better at not getting killed. Not wanting to spend all of his time thinking up a new training regimen, he decided that his head officers would put together different parts of the new training plan. These head officers included Knockout. There was a good chance that if Megatron had known of Knockout's previous 'incident' in commanding troops, he would not have included him in the process. However, none of the lower officers had the courage to tell him, and Starscream was not in the mood to be giving any sort of helpful advice to their leader. None of the Eradicons were thrilled about it either, but they had to follow orders. The door opened with a quiet _whoosh_ and the troops all straightened as the medic swaggered into the training area.

"Take it easy boys. We aren't going to be doing anything too strenuous today, just watching a little presentation." Knockout clicked a remote held in his delicate servos. A large screen at the front of the room buzzed in static and then lit up. As the troops turned their attention to it the screen presented a picture of a rocky arid landscape. Knockout smooth voice sounded through the speakers.

"In this scene, there are ten Eradicons. None of which can be seen, and thus none of which can be shot. In this video, we hope to show you how not to get shot."

The picture changed slightly, still the same kind of landscape but now in a different location with only two outcroppings.

"This is Eradicon 46A-519. He cannot be shot. Now I'm going to ask him to reveal himself. 46A-519, will you come out please?"

A Eradicon emerged from behind one of the rock cliffs, one that almost seemed to small for him to hide behind. In the very corner of the video screen, Breakdown's cannon came into view. A moment later a loud blast filled the screen, and the Eradicon vanished completely.

"This demonstrates the value of not being seen."

The scenery changed to a forest environment, at the center of the scene was a very large tree.

"In this scene there is Eradicon 13R-842. 13R-842, will you reveal yourself please?" Nothing happened for a few moments. "13R-842 has learned the first lesson of not getting shot, that is, not to reveal yourself. However, I am very good at hide and seek, and he has chosen a rather obvious hiding spot." Suddenly the tree exploded in a ball of flaming plasma.

The scene changed again this time there were three large rocks dominating a mountain scene.

"Eradicon 93Q-792 has given us a bit of a puzzle. We don't know which boulder he might be hiding behind. But we can soon find out." The left boulder exploded, showering the the camera with rock fragments. Then the right exploded. When the middle followed suit, there was a loud electronic screech.

"That's right. It was the middle one."

The next scene was of an abandoned suburban neighborhood.

"Eradicon 246-O1 has hidden himself very well, and could be in a dozen different places. He could be hiding behind the one of the houses, behind a garden shed, or behind a fence. However, I just happen to know that he is behind the first house." The house promptly exploded. The scene shifted once again, this time it was just outside of an energon mine where two Eradicons could be seen lounging near some mining equipment.

"Upon hearing of my desire to talk to them about this video, these two Eradicons immediately volunteered to come on this energon mining expedition. They did not inform me of this, but a colleague of theirs told me where they were." An explosion erupted around the two Eradicons and they vanished. Somehow the equipment remained undamaged from the close explosion. The screen switched to an image of a lone Eradicon standing on a cliff.

"And this is the colleague that told me where they had gone." A large _BOOM_ sounded and a bright light filled the screen, when things died down the con was gone. The image changed to a view of a door on the Nemesis.

"And this is where he lived." The door exploded outward.

Breakdown's laughing could be heard in the background as the scene shifted one last time, this time to Knockout himself.

"Thank you all for watching. I hope you've learned the value of not being seen and not being shot."

The screen went dark. None of the Eradicons seemed to know how to react to the video. Some were still staring at the screen in horror, others were looking at each other in confusion, some were trying to laugh it off and failing, but all seemed somewhat disturbed.

"Well boys, thanks for giving it all your attention. I'd best be off." Knockout started to leave.

"Sir, wait." One Eradicon called out. The medic halted and turned toward him. "That, wasn't real was it? I mean, those weren't actual Cons, they were just holograms or something...right?" The group waited nervously for an answer. A smug smile spread across the medic's face plate.

"You know, I almost forgot to mention something. I've had it arranged with Megatron that anyone who doesn't improve significantly over the course of the training will be automatically volunteered for my next video. Anyway, just thought you might like to keep that in mind. Good luck with the rest of the training." He casually walked out, taking quite a lot of enjoyment out of the look of horror that had passed across each Eradicons face as he spoke. He had the feeling that they would all try a lot harder from now on.

* * *

><p>Yes! I finally got around to finishing this chapter! May not be one of the best so far, but I had fun writing it and I hope you had fun reading it. :)<p>

This chapter was based off of the sketch "How not to be seen"

BTW, did anyone catch the small _Les Mis_ reference in this chapter?


	4. Execution on the Nemesis

I must admit that I do not own anything involving Transformers or Monty Python.

This chapter happens during the episode "Con Job".

* * *

><p>Execution on the Nemesis<p>

Starscream smiled smugly as he thought of the captured Autobot in their brig. This 'Wheeljack' had given Makeshift an excellent point of entry, and for once everything was going just as he'd planned. Makeshift had yet to make contact, but no doubt he soon would.

Now all he had to do was ready the troops to invade the Autobot base. He was a bit disappointed though, the Eradicons hardly seemed as excited as they should be at the prospect of taking down their greatest enemies. Ever since Megatron had been...incapacitated, they had been especially hard to rally. At times it was truly infuriating. He needed some way to bolster their spirits; a way bring back their enthusiasm for the cause. But how could he do that in the short time before they invaded the Autobot base? An idea suddenly clicked in his head. He could execute the Autobot Wheeljack. Once they had taken the Autobot base he wouldn't need the mech anymore, plus the wrecker's comment on his leadership annoyed the pit out of him. Physical proof of their superiority over the Autobots could make the crew more optimistic, which would be a boon to his leadership as well. He could even have some of the Eradicons do the execution themselves and make the whole thing seem more personal. He silently congratulated himself on coming up with such a wonderful plan.

A short while later Starscream marched into the brig with six Eradicons trailing behind him. The white and green mech looked up at the sound.

"Nice entourage Screamer. Decided you need a posse to deal with me even though I'm all tied up? Maybe you're not as dumb as you look." It took effort for the second in command not scowl at the mech, he made himself smile instead.

"I'm afraid your bravado has lost it's purpose, just as you have. These Eradicons have been assembled to put your miserable existence to an end. Do you have any last words? Perhaps something you'd like to pass along to your precious Bulkhead?"

"So the impersonator has already contacted you then?" Wheeljack asked curiously.

"That is none of your concern."

"That's what I thought." Wheeljack said with a smirk. Starscream growled.

"Enough, you've refused any last words or last requests, now your time is up." He turned to the Eradicons. "Troops, ready yourselves." The black and purple mechs transformed their servos into blasters. "Take aim." They brought their guns up, power building as they prepared to shoot. "Fire!" Six blasts echoed through the chamber.

Everything was quiet for a moment. The back wall had gained several new blast marks, but Wheeljack wasn't even scorched. The second in command stared at the prisoner in disbelief, then turned on his troops.

"How, in the name of Primus, did you miss?" Starscream hissed at them. The Eradicons looked at each other in embarrassment.

"He moved." One of them replied. The jet scowled.

"All of you out! Go to the shooting range and practice. Be back here in an hour." The troops marched out and turned left, Starscream stormed down the hall in the opposite direction. His scowl deepened as Wheeljack's laughter floated down the hall after him.

The hour passed, and Starscream returned with his six troops. This time he didn't bother with any nonsense about last requests. He merely ordered the troops into firing stance and gave the order to shoot. This time the results were different. Instead of all of the shots hitting the back wall, several shots managed to collide and exploded while still in the air. The blast threw the Cons against the wall, damaging several of the troops and leaving the prisoner only slightly singed. Wheeljack started laughing again as they shakily got to their feet. The glares he received made him laugh harder.

"How many of you are injured?" The seeker asked with a sigh. Three of the troops raised their servos. "You three get to the Med bay. The rest of you, go to the top deck and wait with the others." They all exited and went their separate ways. Starscream stepped out and let the door close behind him before opening his comm link. "Soundwave, select an Eradicon and send him to the brig to stand guard. Make sure he can shoot." The last part he said quietly, then cut the link and made his way to the top of the ship.

* * *

><p>Starscream paced back and forth on the ship's hull. He had assembled all the Eradicons for the upcoming assault, and now there was nothing left to do but wait. He tried to distract himself from Makeshift's silence by thinking about the need to improve the troops marksmanship. Aiming wouldn't be too much of a problem for this assault, with all the Eradicons going into the base the Autobots would be overwhelmed by sheer numbers. That was assuming their agent ever got around to contacting them.<p>

"Are you certain we are at the coordinates you supplied to Makeshift?" The second in command demanded of Soundwave. The spy bot gave a slight nod. "Then what is taking him?"

"Maybe they gave your boy such a hero's welcome he got the warm and fuzzies and decided to switch sides." Wheeljack's voice made the seeker whirl around. He was flustered for a moment, how in the Pit did the Autobot manage to escape? He did his best to recover.

"Do you not see that you are vastly outnumbered?" He taunted.

"I see some fellas who might vastly enjoy watching me pound some dents into you." Wheeljack was quick to reply. The seekers expression darkened from anger, and then he realized that the wrecker might be right.

"Destroy him!" Starscream screeched.

The Eradicons rushed forward to meet the Autobot. Most of their shots missed, and the few that were well aimed were easily deflected by the Autobot's blades.

In this moment, Starscream realized that he should have addressed the marksmanship issue a bit earlier.

* * *

><p>This chapter was inspired by the sketch "Execution in Russia". I thought it was very fitting for the Eradicons, who all seem to have gone to the Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy. Honestly, there are times when an Autobot is just standing there, not even very far away, and they still miss!<p>

Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. :)


	5. New Faces

I must admit that I do not own anything involving Transformers or Monty Python.

This chapter happens sometime after the episode "Crossfire".

* * *

><p>New Faces<p>

The new Second in Command of the _Nemesis_ was walking the halls one night, going on rounds and continuing to familiarize himself with the ship. It'd been a while since he was in a position of command, much less on a ship like this. Going on rounds helped him relearn the ropes. Dreadwing turned a corner, and immediately halted when he knocked something over. Actually, he knocked some_one _over.

"Watch the paint ya pile of scrap metal!" The red mech he'd hit snarled.

"Knockout?" Dreadwing realized in surprise. "I didn't see you there. Are you undamaged?" He offered a servo to the fallen mech.

"Of course you didn't see me there! Ya wouldn't 'ave run into me if ya did. Now out of my way, I need to see Megatron." Ignoring the offer for help Knockout got up on his own and brushed past the mech roughly. Normally Dreadwing would have called the medic on his brash attitude toward a superior officer, but something seemed off. He noticed a change in Knockout's vocal pattern, and even after regaining his balance the mech's walk was unsteady.

"Are you sure you're undamaged? And just what is it you need to talk to Lord Megatron about?" Dreadwing asked as he started following the medic.

"It'sa about time that our leader came to his senses and put more of our resources into hunting down that eight legged abomnation. It'snot safe to leave her free on this world, she'll come back to haunt us, you mark my words!" Knockout gestured widely as he spoke, almost losing his balance again. Dreadwing sighed, putting everything together. The mistakes in speech, the unsteady center of balance, the fact that the medic was trying to do this _again_.

"Knockout you've been hitting the high grade again haven't you? I order you to go back to your quarters and get some recharge." the muscle car had already made this case to Lord Megatron once while overcharged on high grade, and had gotten quite the beating for it. Dreadwing preferred the medic not have to go through that again. However, the order only prompted Knockout to temporarily switch targets.

"You know what? I object to you treating me like an inferior! I've had enough of that round here!" He rounded on Dreadwing and poked a thin digit at his chest. The affronted Dreadwing pushed it away.

"I am your Commander, Knockout."

"Well I didn't vote fer you."

"It's not something you take a vote on."

"Well it should be!" Knockout huffed and started going toward Megatron's quarters again. "Besides, Starscream wass the Commander too, and I never listened to him." Dreadwing reached out and grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Look Knockout, Lord Megatron-"

"Oh yes LORD Megatron, and how did he get that title? By exploiting the workers! Do you haf any idea how many Vehicons I see on a daily basis? And don't even get me started on the whole dark energon thing of his. Let me tell you, simply being able to kick everyone else's aft and having super powers that ya got from frozen radioactive grape juice is no basis for a system of leadership!" Knockout practically shouted at the larger mech. Dreadwing was getting worried now. Lord Megatron might just hear the medic at this rate. Or worse, Soundwave would hear.

"We're living in self-perpetuating autocracy of mad leaders! The masses should vote on whose in control of this dictatorship! We are the foundation, we should grant the power!"

"Knockout! Quiet yourself! I'm only trying to help you, you're in enough trouble as it is." Knockout just snarled at Dreadwing and twisted himself out of his grip.

"No! Megatron will be made to see why he needs to go after that venomous half breed harpy!" The red mech tried to bolt down the hall, but Dreadwing had been expecting it and caught up to him easily. The larger mech started dragging him back down the hall toward the med bay.

"Knockout! I am you commanding officer and I am ordering you to go recharge until you come back to your senses!" Even as the medic struggled his face plate split into a grin.

"See! Authority based entirely on force. Now we see the violence inherent in the system!" Suddenly Knockout started bellowing. "Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help! I'm being repressed!"

"Slagging medic!" Dreadwing growled. His optic caught sight of a passing Vehicon, and he suddenly decided that another pair of arms might not be a bad idea.

"You there, trooper, come over here and help me get Knockout back to his quarters, or at least the med bay." the Vehicon turned to the pair, and gave them a withering stare.

"My name's not 'trooper'."

"I- what?" was all Dreadwing could come with between his surprise and the still shouting and struggling medic.

"My name's not trooper, vehicon, or eradicon, it's Steve." Dreadwing vented an exasperated sigh.

"Well, I didn't know you were called Steve!"

"Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?" the young mech retorted. Dreadwing shook his head.

"Look, can you just come over and help me with him? He's going to hurt himself eventually."

Despite the insult, Steve followed the order and went over to help calm and herd the inebriated medic. Both Breakdown and Knockout had been relatively good to the Vehicons on the Nemesis, so he figured the least he could do was keep the medic from doing something he would regret. Besides, all things considered the new Commander seemed decent enough. It would be wise to get on his good side. Steve started talking to Knockout as the two of them dragged his frame down the hall. Interestingly, once Knockout realized who was talking to him he began to calm down. He eventually stopped struggling, preferring to talk to Steve instead.

"I think I can take it from here Commander Dreadwing, you could continue with your rounds if you like." The second in command readily agreed, glad that the situation seemed to have diffused. He watched the medic and vehicon make their way down the hall, the medic leaning heavily on his escort. As he turned to go their voices drifted to him.

"It really is good to see you Steve, it'sbeen too long. How is Bob doing? And that other friend of yours, what was it? The one that always notices my paint job, 505?"

"404 sir. And their both doing very well."

"Good, that's good. You know, I was just telling Dreadwing that we should have a change in leadership and governing sstyles on this ship. Maybe we should be autonomous collective, or a anarcho-syndicalist commune. We could take it in turns to act as a ssort of executive officer fer the week.  
>"Yes, that does sound nice." Steve soothed.<br>"But all the decisions of that officer would have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting."  
>"I see."<p>

"By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs..."

Dreadwing shook his head as the pair lumbered out of hearing range. Learning the ropes of the _Nemesis _was certainly going to be interesting.

* * *

><p>New Faces, meaning that of Dreadwing and Steve in this story. :D<p>

I've seen a couple videos of 'Steve' online, though his personality seemed a little vague. So if there's some established thing about Steve I missed in this please forgive my ignorance. Bob and 404 are names of Vehicons I've seen floating around the internet, so if I mooched off of anyone's original work you again have my apologies.

Poor Knockout. It really surprised me they didn't do something to show Knockout missing Breakdown, them being so close and all. Maybe his agitated behavior and need to prove himself are meant to be signs of it.

Poor Dreadwing too, no matter who the second in command is they just don't get a break in this fan fic. :P

This chapter was based off of the 'right to self determination' scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.


	6. Being a seeker is very mechly

This chapter was written on the request of sakiko of soleana. I hope you enjoy it. :)

I must admit that I do not own anything involving Transformers or Monty Python.

This chapter happens sometime between the episodes _Metal Attraction _and _Partners_.

* * *

><p>Being a Seeker is a very mechly occupation<p>

"I can't believe this. This is pointless, demeaning. It's Vehicon work!"

"Calm down Starscream." Breakdown said tiredly. "You know our resources have been getting stretched recently, we all have to take on additional responsibilities." The large mech stacked another box. They were the only two working in that particular cargo bay.

"And stretched resources call for the second in command to do such menial work?" Starscream replied scathingly. Not only did he have to do work that was so far beneath him, but he had to do it with bolts for brains Breakdown! The seeker was sure that Megatron was doing this to him on purpose. Plus there was the fact that the warlord had been spending a curious amount of time with the rogue femme Breakdown had recently brought in. He knew scheming when he saw it. His thoughts were disrupted when his ground bound co-worker replied.

"Well, I'll admit that this wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I first joined the Decepticons." Breakdown admitted.

"Dreaming of smashing to your enemies to bits from a young age were you? So sorry you couldn't get your body count in for the day." Starscream muttered sulkily, pushing a large box toward the growing pile. At least he was trying to push it, he really wasn't built for this kind of work. Though the sudden vision he got of a tiny sparkling Breakdown running around shouting 'hammer time!' in a high pitched voice was rather amusing.

"The fighting was a big part of it but..." the larger mech trailed off, unsure if he should finish.

"But what?" the SIC prompted.

"Well," Breakdown's began hesitantly. "for a while, when I was very young, I wanted to be a part of a group of energon seekers." Starscream suddenly brightened.

"Ah, you had good taste back then. I lead a squadron myself at the beginning of the war, and we were certainly an elite group." The seeker puffed up a bit. Choosing to ignore the back handed compliment, Breakdown continued.

"Yeah, everyone told me that I would never make it, and in the end I didn't, but I'd try anyway." Breakdown's eyes and voice became distant in remembrance. "I dreamed of it all the time, leaping off the ground, soaring through the skies of countless alien worlds." Starscream smiled, a wave a nostalgia overtaking him.

"The feats of skill, the flawless synchronization, the glory of it all!" The seeker spoke passionately. Breakdown smiled too, voice becoming stronger.

"The smell of ozone, being the terrors of the skies, with my best femme by my side." The large mech's mind suddenly flashed to an image of Airachnid. In a moment of inspiration Breakdown jumped on top a the nearest box and sang out.

_I'm a seeker and I'm okay, I'd recharge all night and I'd soar all day!_

_I fly so free, stop for a cube, then cut down my enemies!_

Starscream jumped in with the next line

_We'd show off our acrobatics, for all Cybertron to see!_

_I'm a seeker and I'm okay, I'd recharge all night and I'd soar all day!_

Breakdown started the next verse, but his commanding officer quickly took over.

B: _I fly so free, I bomb and raze._

S: _I love to show my style!_

_I'd put on femme's armor, and hang around in bars!_

_I fly so free, install high heels, just to turn them on-_

Starscream suddenly became aware of how far he was going with the lyrics, and abruptly cut himself off. With steadily building panic, he slowly turned to look at Breakdown. The bluish mech seemed caught between laughing uproariously and being incredibly disturbed.

"Ah, Breakdown, do you recall what I said to you after I so valiantly came to your aid when the humans captured you?"

"You said that I would have to choose a side soon, and I owed you." Breakdown said slowly.

"Yes, well, if you never mention this to any other femme or mech, I will consider us to be even. Is that acceptable?"

Breakdown nodded. Starscream wrung his talons nervously, and looked around.

"There's not a lot left to do here, you can finish up on your own can't you?" Without waiting for a reply the seeker quickly exited the room, leaving behind a very bemused Breakdown.

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><p><strong>Author's note<strong>

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Screamer never called on that favor Breakdown owed him! :P

Breakdown dreaming of being a seeker when he was little may sound a little far fetched given his personality. However, when I was little I wanted to be a ballerina, and now I'm going for a career in environmental studies. So those kinds of things change over time. Plus, it's comedy, have some fun with it!


	7. It's only a mesh wound

I must admit that I do not own anything involving Transformers or Monty Python.

This chapter takes place within the episode _Masters and Students,_ and the specific Monty Python sketch was suggested by LadyBonBon. Enjoy! :)

Also, when Bee is speaking the words will be in italics.

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><p>It's Only a Mesh Wound<p>

The ground seemed to vibrate as Skyquake crashed. Optimus looked up from the smoking mass, and saw Bumblebee riding Agent Fowler's jet. The Autobot leader sighed in relief when he saw the young scout jump and land safely on the cliff.

The two bots approached the damaged form cautiously from different directions. It seemed like the fallen warrior would not be rising any time soon, or so they thought.

Optimus continued to gaze thoughtfully at the con as Bumblebee came and stood by his side.

"Had Skyquake chosen to stray from his master's path we might not be burying him today." Optimus grumbled solemnly. "Bumblebee, scout the area for a decent burial site." The yellow mech nodded and turned to go, but stopped when he heard a pained groan.

"I'm not offline!" a deep voice growled. Bee turned back around to see Skyquake stumbling up into a standing position. The scout's optics grew wide. Even though it was clear the Skyquake was in no shape to fight the fact that he could move was a miracle.

Optimus, his own optics a tad wider than normal, took a step forward.

"Skyquake, you've shown a great deal of strength today. I understand why Megatron valued you so highly. However, even I can tell that you will not be able to fully recover from such severe injuries. Please, join us and let us take care of you."

His request was met with a silent stare.

"Skyquake, the Decepticons will not be interested in you if you can not fight as well as they'd hoped. I know your loyalties to Megatron are great, but he is gone and the rest of your faction will not accept so damaged a mech."

Again, there was no reply. Optimus vented a sigh.

"I am sorry it has to be this way. Come Bumblebee, let us return." the two bots turned to leave, and Optimus brought his hand up to his help to call Ratchet.

"Just where do you think you're going?" Skyquake snarled, taking a pained step forward. Optimus raised a single eyebrow.

"What?"

"This battle isn't over, you're not getting away so easily."

"I admire your drive Skyquake, but I will not attack a defenseless mech."

"Then you shall die!" The hulking jet leaped forward, arm reaching for Prime's neck.

"So be it." Optimus's battle visor clicked back into place and his servo was replaced by a blade. In one swift movement the Prime dodged Skyquake's attack and severed his arm from his frame. The Con went tumbling past him and fell to the ground again.

"Now stand down Skyquake." Optimus commanded. But Skyquake was up within a minute.

"Never! It's only a scratch!"

"_A scratch! Your arm is on the ground!"_ Bumblebee beeped in alarm. Skyquake scowled.

"No it's not."

"Then what is that?" Optimus asked gesturing to the fallen limb. The green Con glanced at it.

"I've had worse."

"_Liar."_

"Liar!? I'll show you slagger!" Skyquake charged at Bee. The scout braced for a fight, but Optimus quickly stepped between the two. He brought his sword down again, slicing off Skyquake's other arm. The shock caused him to crash into the canyon wall.

"Now it is over." Optimus proclaimed, sheathing his blade. He gestured for Bee to follow him. They had taken all of two steps when the Autobot leader felt something hit his pedes, and heard the clang of metal on metal. Both bots turned around. Skyquake, now completely armless and leaking energon profusely, had hefted himself off the canyon wall and was kicking Prime's legs.

"Face me!" he demanded.

"_What!?"_ Bee whirred in disbelief.

"Skyquake, you are indeed a brave and strong mech, but this is no longer a battle."

"You've had enough then?" Skyquake sounded smug.

"_You fragging idiot, you don't have any arms left!" _Bee practically screeched at him.

"Yes I do." Skyquake insisted. Bee pointed at his arms in frustration. The Con looked back at his severed limbs for only a moment.

"It's only a mesh wound." he immediately went back to kicking Prime.

"Stop that." Prime ordered, the tiniest bit of irritation in his voice.

"Coward!" Skyquake continued to kick.

"Do not force me to harm you further." There was no change. "Very well." The blade slid out once again and Optimus easily chopped off the leg that had been kicking him.

"I'll get you for that!" Skyquake scowled once again.

"You can't be serious." The irritation in Prime's voice was a hint stronger this time.

"Fight me!" Skyquake tried to jam his shoulder's into Prime's frame.

"_Why? So you can leak on him?"_

"No Autobot can defeat me! The Decepticons shall always triumph, long live Megatron!"

Without another word Optimus sliced off the mech's one remaining limb.

Skyquake fell to the ground, landing on his back. He squirmed for a minute, trying to get back up. When he was unsuccessful he looked all around, counting the number of limbs on the ground. Finally his optics returned to the Autobots.

"We'll call this a draw." Optimus shook his head at the con's statement.

"Come Bumblebee." The scout didn't need to be told twice, quickly following after his leader.

"Now you're running away? You slagging cowards! Come back here and feel the wrath of my Master! I'll gnaw your pedes off!"

The Con's voice faded as the two Autobots moved farther and farther away. Once they could no longer hear him, Optimus stopped. Bee turned toward his leader, eyes questioning.

"Bumblebee, don't tell any of the others about this. Let us never speak of this again."

The scouted nodded vigorously.

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><p><strong>Author's note<strong>

Oh Skyquake, you one episode wonder! :P Hmmmm, I'm pretty sure Soundwave was watching the fight in the original episode. Do you suppose he would have mentioned this last part to Screamer?

You know, I think this is the first time I've had any official members of Team Prime in a chapter. It was kind of fun getting to write them in this sort of scene. :D

Just to be sure all credit is given where credit is due: This chapter was based off of the fight with the Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.


End file.
